"If I could just say a few words..."

"...I'd be a better public speaker!"

I used to be comfortable speaking in front of large groups. I gave a speech in front of hundreds of people at my high school graduation without a problem. In college, I gave speeches and presentations all the time...but somehow I have devolved. I now get the dreaded shaky voice with troubling regularity when I stand up to speak to a group.

It happened today when I had to give a presentation for class. Cognitively, it didn't take any effort for me to convince myself that this presentation was a completely innocuous activity. There was nothing threatening about the class session: I knew the subject matter, I had prepared well, and I knew the class to be a friendly group...but once I started talking, my adrenal glands took over. When I sat down afterwards, my brain regained control and I began thinking about how lame I am to have such a ridiculous fear response to a something so basic as talking.

The problem with fear is that it is irrational. Standing among a group of my peers is something I do frequently. Talking is something I do every day. Why is it that the combination of these two things induces such fear? Is it that my former self was confident out of proportion with my intelligence or abilities? Have my life experiences since my good-public-speaker days shown me a world so full of uncertainties that I am now wary of speaking with authority about anything? (I don't know the answer to the first question, but the answer to both of the latter two questions is: maybe?)

Whatever the reason for my shaky voice issues, it's not okay. One of my MPH friends told me that her tactic for overcoming presentation anxiety is to say to herself, "Dammit! I have something to say, and I'm going to [expletive]-ing say it!" So...I'm going to conquer this problem and become a good public speaker (dammit!)!

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