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Second guesses

I finished up my L&D month with 20 deliveries*! And one of the chief residents told me that my cervical checks were "good all along," which was lovely to hear, although I do have my doubts as to the veracity of that statement.

*or "I caught 20 babies"--some people get touchy about doctors/midwives saying, "I delivered a baby," because they want us to say, "I caught a baby." I just think it sounds weird to say "catch a baby"...so I don't say it. But in saying "I delivered," I am not implying that I somehow did more work than the mother. By no means! The mothers do all the work! I just don't want to start saying "catch babies," because it sounds weird and overly colloquial to me...

I will miss the amazing view of Burlington, Lake Champlain, and the Adirondacks from the labor and delivery lounge (most cardiology patients are a few floors down from the L&D floor...with a less impressive view). I can't imagine a more beautiful place in which to birth a child! If we decide to add to our family while I'm in residency, I will put in a request for the corner room with a view (and perhaps we should attempt to have an October due date to enjoy the fall colors)! 




Today I started my month of cardiology.  Or "catching heart attacks...?" It should be interesting. Lots of intervention, lots of money...lots of "downstream" management of problems that could often be averted if more time were spent on the "upstream" prevention. But...as many of my MPH professors said, "if I'm having my heart attack, I'll want a doctor who knows how to do all the right interventions." In other words...we can't not treat people just because they chose to smoke, eat Whoppers, and not exercise for 67 years of their lives. I'm sure it will be a very educational month! 

(The only bad part is that I am not able to take time off, that I will be working 6 loong days each week, and that we will be missing the wonderful wedding of our lovely friends, Katherine & Randal, in Indiana this coming weekend. This is the 4th wedding we're missing this summer and the 10th(ish) we're missing in the past year due to location, schedule, and lack of money. Sometimes I wonder about my life choices...)

Speaking of life choices, I often think that people are overcompensating for something when they act as though the decisions they've made in life are so wonderful and so perfect and that they wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Really? Because there are very few decisions I've ever been that certain about, even in retrospect. I still wonder about everything! What if I would've gone to Notre Dame for undergrad instead of deciding on Creighton. What if I would've been an English major? What if I applied for a Fulbright in Spain instead of Botswana? What if I had done Peace Corps? What if I had started a surgery residency right after med school instead of doing an MPH? What if I had become an OB/gyn? What if I had ranked a different family medicine residency higher than UVM? I think it's possible to be happy with a decision while still wondering about the alternatives. I even think it's possible to be happy with a decision while wishing for the alternatives. I don't really think there is one right path for anyone. 

Right now, I'm second guessing...well, basically everything. Last week, it was, "Is this cervix 5 cm dilated or 7? Is it 40% effaced or 70?" Today it was, "Should I be worried about a potassium of 5.4 in an elderly man with severe cardiac disease?" And in addition to the clinical second guessing, I'm wondering, "Should I have tried to match in the combined family medicine-preventive medicine residency in Baltimore?" "Should we have looked into the availability of teaching positions more thoroughly before ranking UVM so highly?" "Did we make the wrong decision in moving here?" "Why didn't we move somewhere where we have friends?" 

We are certainly enjoying the beauty of our new home...and the amazing food...and the outdoor activities...and the adventure of being somewhere different...and the fact that we get to experience this together! But...I can't help but wonder!

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