Skip to main content

Second guesses

I finished up my L&D month with 20 deliveries*! And one of the chief residents told me that my cervical checks were "good all along," which was lovely to hear, although I do have my doubts as to the veracity of that statement.

*or "I caught 20 babies"--some people get touchy about doctors/midwives saying, "I delivered a baby," because they want us to say, "I caught a baby." I just think it sounds weird to say "catch a baby"...so I don't say it. But in saying "I delivered," I am not implying that I somehow did more work than the mother. By no means! The mothers do all the work! I just don't want to start saying "catch babies," because it sounds weird and overly colloquial to me...

I will miss the amazing view of Burlington, Lake Champlain, and the Adirondacks from the labor and delivery lounge (most cardiology patients are a few floors down from the L&D floor...with a less impressive view). I can't imagine a more beautiful place in which to birth a child! If we decide to add to our family while I'm in residency, I will put in a request for the corner room with a view (and perhaps we should attempt to have an October due date to enjoy the fall colors)! 




Today I started my month of cardiology.  Or "catching heart attacks...?" It should be interesting. Lots of intervention, lots of money...lots of "downstream" management of problems that could often be averted if more time were spent on the "upstream" prevention. But...as many of my MPH professors said, "if I'm having my heart attack, I'll want a doctor who knows how to do all the right interventions." In other words...we can't not treat people just because they chose to smoke, eat Whoppers, and not exercise for 67 years of their lives. I'm sure it will be a very educational month! 

(The only bad part is that I am not able to take time off, that I will be working 6 loong days each week, and that we will be missing the wonderful wedding of our lovely friends, Katherine & Randal, in Indiana this coming weekend. This is the 4th wedding we're missing this summer and the 10th(ish) we're missing in the past year due to location, schedule, and lack of money. Sometimes I wonder about my life choices...)

Speaking of life choices, I often think that people are overcompensating for something when they act as though the decisions they've made in life are so wonderful and so perfect and that they wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Really? Because there are very few decisions I've ever been that certain about, even in retrospect. I still wonder about everything! What if I would've gone to Notre Dame for undergrad instead of deciding on Creighton. What if I would've been an English major? What if I applied for a Fulbright in Spain instead of Botswana? What if I had done Peace Corps? What if I had started a surgery residency right after med school instead of doing an MPH? What if I had become an OB/gyn? What if I had ranked a different family medicine residency higher than UVM? I think it's possible to be happy with a decision while still wondering about the alternatives. I even think it's possible to be happy with a decision while wishing for the alternatives. I don't really think there is one right path for anyone. 

Right now, I'm second guessing...well, basically everything. Last week, it was, "Is this cervix 5 cm dilated or 7? Is it 40% effaced or 70?" Today it was, "Should I be worried about a potassium of 5.4 in an elderly man with severe cardiac disease?" And in addition to the clinical second guessing, I'm wondering, "Should I have tried to match in the combined family medicine-preventive medicine residency in Baltimore?" "Should we have looked into the availability of teaching positions more thoroughly before ranking UVM so highly?" "Did we make the wrong decision in moving here?" "Why didn't we move somewhere where we have friends?" 

We are certainly enjoying the beauty of our new home...and the amazing food...and the outdoor activities...and the adventure of being somewhere different...and the fact that we get to experience this together! But...I can't help but wonder!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Prairie Home Companion

Most Saturday nights, we turn on the radio  (one of our favorite wedding gifts) at 6 pm to listen to Garrison Keillor tell the News from Lake Wobegone  and to hear soothing music (Garr-Bear, as we call him, with  Chic Gamine , Norah Jones , Madeleine Peyroux , and others...) while Chris makes a delicious dinner. So when we found out that GK and friends were going to be at Shelburne Museum  (10 minutes from our house) for his summer Radio Romance Tour , we knew we had to go. After a day in clinic on Wednesday, I picked up Chris and the picnic he had prepared, and we headed to Shelburne to set up our lawn chairs along with all of the other elderly white people (to be fair, there were some kids, some people our age, and probably some nonwhite people). We had an awesome time!  {He started the night by saying, "It's always shocking to see in person someone you've heard on the radio, so we may as well get this out of the way first," as he proceeded to stroll th

From Valentine's Day to International Women's Day

On Valentine’s Day, as I was walking back toward the hospital after buying a Coke from the Red Cross canteen (a little shop adjacent to the hospital “car park” where they sell snacks, soft drinks, and sadza ), a man about my age walked briskly toward me, saying, “Hi doc, I’m sorry to interrupt you but can I ask a personal question?” My mind jumped to: where’s the rash? Instead, he continued, “It’s about my wife. She was admitted to the labour ward for an induction today, but now they’re sending her back to the antepartum ward because she isn’t having contractions.” (The labour ward has a strict no visitors policy, which also means no husbands.Throughout the rest of the hospital, visitors are only allowed for two hour-long periods each day.)  He went on to tell me about the recent course of his wife’s pregnancy, and I was becoming curious about what the “personal question” would be. After a few minutes, he asked simply, “Do you think she’ll be okay? Do you think the baby will be okay

February 2015!?

I will blame residency for another lapse in posting! The days (and many of the nights...) have been full, and as I move from one rotation to the next, I am increasingly pleased with my match in family medicine. It is very fulfilling, though at times overwhelming, to be a witness to the full range of the human experience. I get to be the first person to hold a newborn baby, to support a family through the dying process, and to be there for people at every stage in between. There are daily reminders both of how difficult and of how great life can be. Every day is an adventure! A few updates:  After 30 fracture-free years, Chris has broken both his collarbone and his right thumb this year, on separate occasions... In spite of his fragility, he has had a great time working as a junior high teacher. I'm more than halfway done with residency, which is crazy! I was elected as a chief resident for next year. Tessie is still awesome. Vermont has been super cold but with great